If Women had Penises

If women had penises, would they piss on toilet seats? I ask this, as a man, who is often disgruntled to find yellow piss on the toilet seat, or rim of the bowl…those things that ought to be comfortingly white.

To be honest, there is probably not a single person with a penis, who hasn’t pissed on a toilet seat at some time in their lives. So, I suppose this is a question of consideration, and maybe women are more considerate than men.

Obviously, there are men, who are more than happy to rip off a piece of toilet roll, and wipe up their accidental spillages. However, I imagine that if women had penises, there would be a higher percentage of them that would wipe up after themselves.

I am attempting as you might have noticed, not to take a moral high ground on the matter. I am even wary of using the word considerate to describe those that wipe the seat. I just wonder why this difference exists. Why do some think beyond their own little moment, to the feelings of the next random urinating-participant, whilst others don’t think about anything, other than their own experience and their own piss?

Those that do wipe up after themselves, including myself, have often cursed loudly [inside our heads] at the inconsiderateness of the previous messy pisser. So fucking inconsiderate!! But, what is it to be considerate? Is this just a process of socialisation, whereby, the adults in our lives attempt to replace our childish behaviour with adult behaviour? A process that replaces childish selfishness, with adult considerateness…is one that has some people feeling proudly, like they play ball…disgusted at the others, who don’t seem to give a damn.

If this process I have described holds any truth about the human experience…then why do men in particular, seem more prone to inconsiderateness when it comes to pissing, than women? Are girls brought up differently than boys? My best guess is that boys are parented differently than girls. Of course each individual responds to that parenting in different ways. There is no uniform response to any style of parenting. Many conform to the parental regime at many levels, and yet, keep some parts of themselves sacrosanct. They cherish a little part of themselves, that remains childish, unsocialised, and unadulterated…this part remains stubbornly subversive.

And, I believe, that toilets for some, represent the whip of conformity, and that leaving piss there around the toilet bowl or seat, is the mark of defiance. The yellow mark of defiance against the tyranny of socialisation.

If my theory holds some water, then, a high-powered business executive is just as likely to leave their piss on the toilet, as a teenager is. The more one has conformed to their socialisation and its language the more hidden the subversive elements will be. The rebellions can come in many forms, and in some ways, maybe leaving piss on a toilet seat is fairly harmless, compared to gunning people down, in an ‘out-of-character’ rage.

Also, maybe boys have a mechanism within themselves that kicks in at different times: a don’t-give-a-fuck mechanism. This mechanism is evident in women, but, I will hazard the opinion that men exhibit this more commonly, and more often. It is a rebellion against being parented, and it is my best guess, that boys are allowed [by parents, and by society] this rebellious response, more than girls. I believe it is harder for a girl to rebel against the will of her mother, much harder than it is for a boy.

Being able to not-give-a-fuck is not something entirely negative. It is negative to the conforming group, who see these people as heretics, philistines or scoundrels [or in this case – inconsiderate]. However, the not-give-a-fuck mechanism is necessary in the journey towards personal fulfilment. It is necessary in shedding the need to please others. There is a minimal kind of empty-happiness that can be attained by pleasing others, but, it is nothing compared to the fulfilment that can be found once one stops-giving-a-fuck.

And so, although I would prefer everyone to wipe up their piss, I can appreciate, that being considerate is quite often a pain in the ass. Social conformity, to whomever, is a behaviour that is often riddled with feelings of obligation and guilt. If you feel guilt in your life you are probably also burdened with feelings of obligation, and are probably struggling with your urges to be yourself, and do what you want to do, over and against, what you feel someone else would want you to do.

If this is the case, maybe you can have a little meditative time, where you imbibe the spirit of the rebels, the revolutionaries, the philistines, the heretics, and maybe even the inconsiderate pissers.

And, as a famous rabbi once said…yada yada yada